Things I Have Learned Since Moving From the Suburbs To the Country

1. Chickens can drown. I learned that in my first staff meeting.
2. If you see a brown dog running down the road it’s probably a deer, not a dog. Dogs don’t run in front of your car nearly as often as deer.
3. Apparently there is a time warp in the country. People show up, or don’t, for appointments when they are darn good and ready. This is not supposed to annoy you.
4. It’s acceptable to have goats live in the house. And to ride in cars. But not drive. I've only seen them ride shotgun.
5. There really are places in the U.S. that don’t have internet, or it’s limited access. This is NOT cool!
6. Small towns sometimes have big events downtown in the evenings but all the stores will close. I guess the business people want to go to the events too.
7. You can get a pretty good steak dinner at a gas station.
8. Alligators can appear in stream fed ponds. At least the camp director says so. But he also tells the kids there is an Octopus in the camp pond.
9. There is NOT really a Starbucks on every corner, everywhere.
10. Beer is legal tender for gratuities and can have an effect on #3, above, when left in plain view on the kitchen counter.
11. Walmarts are weird, no matter where they are.
12. When goats get loose from their pasture they will head straight for the nearest asphalt surface and try to start a gang fight with cars. Maybe they do want to drive after all.
13. There are many roadside truck stands selling veggies, but sometimes, if you look behind the pickup trucks, you can see the store boxes and bags.
14. People look at you as if you are strange when you wear a shark shirt. Even when it’s Shark Week.
15. Cowboy boots look good with lots of shiny bling. But only on cowgirls. Police will arrest cowboys when they try that.
16. Kids in rural areas are just as smart as suburban kids. In fact, when the zombies come I’d rather be where people know how to use a pitchfork because unless you drop the entire works of Shakespeare on a zombie you’re done for.